Today's Reading
She had a baby girl weighing roughly five pounds. Holding the little body against hers, she felt joy and bewilderment in equal measure. How was she supposed to go about her life now?
She had barely any money. She had no way of paying next month's rent. And she couldn't very well go out and work now that she had a baby to take care of.
At a loss what to do, she delayed registering the birth. Throwing herself at the mercy of her parents back home wasn't an option.
One day, she fainted in the apartment. In addition to not eating properly, a lot of her energy was being diverted to the baby in the form of breast milk. She was lucky she'd had the attack indoors. It could have been much more serious. She shuddered when she imagined what would have happened if she'd been holding her baby daughter at the time.
I can't go on like this. As she looked down at the baby sleeping peacefully, she made a decision. She couldn't bring up the baby by herself. In the long run, it would be better if she gave her up. She could only think of one solution. There was an orphanage not far from the textile mill where she'd been working. She had no idea how the place was managed, but she did remember seeing the children when they had come to visit the textile mill on a field trip. They had all looked healthy and happy. She'll be well looked after there, she thought to herself.
Autumn came. On a slightly chilly day, she left the apartment. She was holding the baby in her arms and had a basket in the crook of her elbow. It contained a few spare clothes, a blanket, and the doll she'd made herself.
She took a train and then a bus. When she was close to the orphanage, she got out and sat down in a park a certain distance away, waiting for night to fall. She ate a sweet bun and breastfed the baby. The knowledge that this was the last feeding she would ever do made her weep uncontrollably.
When it got dark, she went into action. She wrapped the baby in a towel and placed it in the basket. She slipped the doll in beside her before putting the blanket over them both. If they took off the doll's clothes, the people at the orphanage would find what she'd written in Magic Marker on the doll's back. It was the name she and Hiroshi had planned to give their baby. They had thought of it together. It was a name, in kanji, that would work equally well for a boy or a girl.
When she reached the orphanage, she stopped in front of the waist-high gate and examined the place. It was a cluster of solid-looking buildings. There were lights on in the windows.
She glanced around. There was no one nearby. If she was going to do this, she would have to do it quickly. Her plan would fail if anyone spotted her hanging around.
She went up to the gate and placed the basket on the ground next to it. Although she'd promised herself not to take a second look at her baby, she couldn't help herself and turned back the blanket slightly.
The baby's round white face was illuminated by the moonlight. It was asleep, breathing peacefully, and its eyes were shut.
She touched one of its cheeks with her fingertips. I will never forget the feel of her skin as long as I live, she thought.
She felt the tears coming. Fighting them off, she pulled the blanket back up over the baby's head. She was hoping that the orphanage staff would find the baby in the morning.
She got to her feet and walked away. Don't look back, she told herself. Imagining that she could hear the sound of whimpering behind her, she struggled for breath.
She had no idea where she was going. Eventually, she found herself sitting on the train without knowing how she'd got there.
Looking at the darkness outside the window, she wondered what the point of going back to Tokyo was.
CHAPTER ONE
Sonoka Shimauchi popped into the grilled chicken joint after emerging from Ayase Station with all the other commuters and before heading to her usual bus stop. Today was her day to make dinner, but she'd let her mother, Chizuko, know that she would be picking up chicken takeout. "Cutting corners again, eh?" Chizuko had joked. Since she actually liked grilled chicken, she didn't mind really.
Sonoka frowned as she looked up at the menu. The quails eggs were sold out. What should she do? There was another shop she liked, but it was a bit of a walk away.
She pulled out her phone and called her mother. They both adored quails' eggs. She didn't want her mother to give her a hard time for having given up too easily.
No one picked up. Chizuko had said she was doing the early shift today. She should be home by now.
Sonoka waited for a minute or two, then called again. Once again, no answer.
Oh, what the heck. She decided to buy something else at the same place. They could get quails' eggs another time.
She bought a couple of mixed chicken grills and caught her bus. The smell of chicken wafted out of the bag on her lap.
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